Flaming June's Love

Yes I know it has been extremely delayed. I have been distracted and very busy with everything that has been up lately. First and foremeost Andy is fine since his encounter with chest pain the other day. He was fully evaluated and no apparent cardiac issues at the moment. If we could get this house done we could get started on some routine exercise program. I am losing a few pounds here and there I believe from the stress of it all and being so busy all the time so that is good. The house is beautiful BUT and hter is always a BUT it is not quite done yet and I am going to finally sleep there on Sat night. That works out to Tomorrow night. Our new bed arrives tomorrow and ANdy is building the railing that is necesszry for Jack to be there and that will be it. I can wait to wake up inthat new house and with all fo its booboos and unfinsished corners it is ours. I am hoping tha we will have computer access there before too long so that I can start posting real posts again. I am s...

yes thats right I am not feeling the love. I am definately feeling the stress of not having our own place. My husband was in the er yesterday with chest pain from the stress and I am feeling as if I have made huge errors in judgement. I look down the street and the lights are on in my "old" house and I just want to go home. I want my life back. I want my home back. I am not feeling it. not one bit. My gorls are doing their best to be flexible Jack is doing his very best to be a typical two yr old boy and I, I am doing just fuc&*ing great at being disheartened, discouraged, disappointed, deflated, and completely Fucker$R%ed. Good thing are good though, American Idol starts tonight and I can say one thing for sure, I am not going to be one of those buttheads being embarassed tonight. NOTE TO SELF> Next year when AI starts up again I will be in better emotional, physical and spiritual shape.

Lots going on here in my neck of the woods. We are curently living with my Mom. She is truly the most gracious as well as patient woman on the planet. I am currently wanting to slit my own throat because I have inundated her quiet home with 5 of us and the dog. Yup the dog is here too. Our home is not quite there yet and the inspectors are doing their jobs and being pricks and not letting us move in until all the lil shit is done. OK but I hope they realize my om and I will end up cracking before too long under these circumstances. Laundry about the dining room. OH just so much stuff. Nest here is a big one. Allie is not going back to college this ememster. She has signed up for classe at the local college and is staying hon=me for the next few months. She is well and ther is nothingn wrong with her she is just trying to get into a nursing program closer to home and this is how to start . So my baby is back if only for a few months. Missi is going to the semi with a senior boy...

I waited and waited ofr this day to come. Now the day is here and I am sitting here and the day is over and I feel.... different. I feel lonely, sad, defeated, and a failure. I am hoping that it is from my hormones and that this will pass but damn I am having sellers remorse. I tell myself I did this for the family and that it was time to sell the place anyway but shit this is hard. I am staying at my Moms place and Ican see the lights on at MY HOUSE down the street and the fu&^%ers are in my house. I signed it over, Itook a check that doesnt even belong to me and I walked away. I left all my chances of independence on that table today. I am now partnered and attached and unable to get out quick. THis sounds bad I know but I have always always alwyas been a plan B kind of girl. I have no plan B now. I deposited plan B into the joint account to pay for things in the new house. This is fair and how it should be, I am being selfish and negative and extremely critical. I want...

well we did it. I think anyway All of our stuff is moved The furniture that loked so at home in our home now look at home in the new home. I must admit though there is so much work to do in the new house gettting things in place and just so ti will take months I cant tell you how hard it was to move all the stuff. My brother and my children and their boyfriends and the Neighbor boy and his friends did most of the work and I just watched in awe the strength of these people. Andy and I didnt fight at tll and he was exceptionally patient. My Mom of course was the saving grace and watched the boy.

Here it is and I am excited and sad and happy and regretful. all inone. So much to look forward to and obviously so much to leave behind. My girls and all their friends growth chart in my basement. Allies bedroom door and I will attach some of missis stuff from her walls. I am looking around this house and its all in boxes. I am sad. I am happy. Anyplace these PEOPLE go is my home. I rememembr a time when Tim was threatening custody battles for shits and giggles on his part, I told I would live in a refrigerator box with my kids before I let him have them. Well obviously this is not a refrigerator box but the sentiment holds true. I would live anywhere these kids were. So all in all I am good. I am leaving happy swirly memories in the air here. They will whisper every night sleeping angels in all the rooms, sweet dreams and prayers of better days. God heard us here, and I like to think we will carry our charmed life to the new home. Before I sleep tonight I will rememebr my ...

Can you see the intensity in his eyes. He is not talking just yet but he is definately verbal. He can babble, and is animated and expressive. His words are missing the first few syllables but I know what he is saying. I asked the therapist if she saw progress, she told me speech comes slow. Then reassured me that he is goingto be fine just be patient and enjoy every sound he does make since I am lucky to have him at all. I agree. I am lucky to have anything at this point. I have been having images of my best friend MaryEllen and her death as slow and painful as it was. I miss her and am coming up on the one year anniversary on the tenth. I gave her a bath the night of new years and that was the last time I think she was really lucid. I can look back on the blog from last year and check but really... what does it matter. Enjoy the pics of the boy and think happy thoughts of him and send some "talk to mommy karma" his way. Love to all.

Why is this year going to be different? By, Suzituzi This year is going to be different because I am going to make it different. I am going to be less of a procrastinator I will do the things that need to be done when I see them.' I am going to keep up on my laundry, now that the wash and dry are on the first floor there is no excuse for piles anywhere. I am gong to be more attentive to others opinions, maybe not their needs as much as I do now but their opinions I need to handle. I am going to read more than I do. I am going to keep our new home organized. There is enough storage space and attica nd basement so clutter should be a thing of the past. I want to be a better mom