Flaming June's Love

"keep the Peace" KTP MY Dads consistent saying he would shake your hand goodbye and say hey buddy Keep the Peace. Allie always loved it and says it herself. So there it is all black dye under the first few layers of skin on the back of my perfect childs neck. I asked her if this was absolutely necessary. She said yes. She is eighteen. She made the appointment months ago. Its a done deal now. She didnt flinch.

The kids went swimming tonight and then helped by cutting the grass. They are good girls. So here are my three kids snuggled up after swimming and warming up. I could just slide into the middle of these three and breathe them all in. You know the smells that people have that identifies them? Well my three all have their own distinctive scents. Now it sounds gross but truly they smell soooo good. I sniff Jacks hair and it is so sweet, a lttle foodlike and sweat in a baby kinda way. Missi is always smelling like a morning of deep sleep. Warm blankets, cozy pillows, my favorite jammies. That is Missi. Allie is the scent of morning but different morning-rain shower, sweet, sugary. I am really something lately so meloncholy I guess the word is. My friend Sue said my writing cuts her deeply. How can I expose myself so easily- I dont think I am exposing anything really, I dont even think about who reads this. I just write and feel better. I turn off the computer and I go on ...

Had to throw this one in. Me at 18. Big hair blue eyeliner. 1984. LOL Allie at 13 Top pic Allies 12th birthday i remember thinking how grownup she looked. The girls together Allie 13 Missi 11. Allie will be eighteen tomorrow. July 27th 1989. Yesterday but forever. Greatest most terrifying moments in my life. In moments I went from loving myself to loving someone else. Truly knowing I loved someone else enough to give myself up to whatever may come without hesitation. Not to mention the bugger didnt sleep for the first two years. I have a few pics I added with the scanner tonight I hope they do justice to time, love, beauty, devotion, adoration, pride, and motherhood. Go fly to the world and show them all why I love you so very much.

View from the left side of the house. The door on the far left is the dining room and will be one entrance to the wrap around porch to the front door. The individual panes int he upper windows will be in the lower windows when they are totally installed. The BIG window. I really didnt want this window I didnt think it fit the whole victorian theme being round at the top, but I truly lov eit now. Can you see it? this is the front foyer. The stairs in front of you to the second floor. straight back is another set of windows like the front that is going to be a window seat in the breakfast nook. Looks really good doesnt it? Sometimes I wonder.

Jack and Raspberries. This was taken a few days ago so I can tell you that outfit is long gone since the stains were truly impossible. Jacl fell asleep on Daddys leg like this So Andy reached the camera and took this. I think it is so cute and really peaceful. The girls this am goofing araound about Allie leaving for college. Missi pretending to be crying. I think her tears are closer to the surface than she likes to admit. My friend Ruby!!!!!!! THIS IS THE CONSISTENCY of the yard!!!!!!!!! This is the status of the front yard at the moment. See the hill.... yeah. big problem. Windows definately go in tomorrow. There is about 13 grand of windows in the house now, sitting on the floors. He put boards up around the windows and doors sure hope no one decides to take a peak in there or they will be gone. I am feeling pretty good today. Time goes by whether you want it to or not. I have so much to be grateful for. My friend lost her sister at the age of 38 to breast cancer. Her ...

I am not computer savvy but I am sure you get the gist. Andy is away at Army reserves and came home sat night. I lost my shit and cried for the first time in a while to him about my guilt with Dad. I often feel that since I ama nurse I should have seen the signs of something bad. If not that then gotten him the help he needed to pull through this. My husband is a very big, strong, impressive figure. He has a presence. Those of you that know him know that you either Love Andy or you hate him. He is that kind of man. I can also say that if he is on your side it is a very good thing. He has taken alot and handled it all with real grace. My first husband used to "tease" that he would have to leave town for a few years when my Father died because he couldnt hand;le it. Andy has taken it all and handled my broken heart gracefully. Not to mention my girls, my mother and Jack. I am grateful. I am lucky.

Tania is a friend that I appreciate. Amy is a friend that I love. Amy D is a friend I admire. Allie and Missi are friends that leave me agape. If these two werent my girls I would look for them for the rest of my life because I know without them my life wouldnt be the same. Allie " Mom, It is hard now I know but just think, If Pop were here for 5 minutes we would say all the same things we used to and really nothing was missing when he was here, WE DID EVERYTHING RIGHT!" You know what -- you 17 yr old brilliant woman- you are right. We did do everything right. Our lives together werent measured by the last three weeks they are measured by the everyday. Our success and the success of my parents are ... US. We are them living or dead. I miss him but nothing has changed we remained together strong and still so a family. Just the way he would want it. Love to you Pop. I hope you are on a golf course somewhere with your Dad and old friends, laughing, reminiscing and gett...

My Aunt called, how am I feeling? "with the date and everything?" A nice way to ask if I am out from under the covers with the anniversary and everything. I feel like shit and hoped I would wake today and be in 2006. I truly have body aches and am feeling exhausted. So how do I relieve that I have overspent. I went and got far too much stuff for the kids the past week. Pics of the baby, allie college stuff. Missi just spending money. I am avoiding everything and burying it under money. Andy never ever puts limits on me because honestly I am a tight wad. Tonight he called and as gently as possible told me to cut it out! I know I have overdone it but what to do instead of sitting at home, and thinking. I ant walk too much cuz I think. I dont want to talk cuz then I think. If I write then I obviously am thinking. I said to my Mom that if I get through the next three weeks I am definately going to live a long ass time cuz if my broken heart can live now i can live ...

this is missi. hah,I'm awesome with uploading these. although,my mom prolly dosen't have these many pictures of me in her possesion,but,who cares? XD Allie and I joke about that alot. Oh well, we're just mean like that I guess. haha,mom keeps asking me what I'm writing...am I gonna tell her? OF COURSE NOT! The suspense is killing her,it's fun to see her spazz over there on the couch: "What're you writing?! tell me what you're writing!" hah,okay,I'm done being mean now.

One year ago today we were at Geisinger Medical center. My Dad was one day post cardiac cath and was up and walking around the hospital as if he were there for weeks. He knew the nurses, the doctors that visited, the custodians and the women that delivered the flowers. We were getting ourselved ready for his bypass on Wednesday morning. We walked the halls back and forth. We pushed Jack in the carriage because he hadnt started to walk yet. Jack had learned by that point how to wave and say "hiya" enthusiastically to the same people he had just passed on the way down the hall. Pop loved it. He adored this boy. The day was spent discussing the after recovery period. I told him he wouold recover quicker because he wasnt recovering from a c section and bypass as I was and he was going to be an off pump bypass whereas I was on a pump. ( long technical stuff story) We talked about walking together, excercising, golfing. He wanted to go to a golf tournament next week an...

Beautiful--------$12,000 Books------------$4,000 Education_____$20,000 Knowing she is safe and only a flight in the Blazer down the Turnpike---- PRICELESS

OK so here is how the week went. Iam working Mon and Wed mornings teaching. The holiday and our vacations screwed up my teaching schedule so I had extra classes to make up.Allie is now working at Kohls in town and that seems to have all ofus in change as well. Andy is away at reserve drill this next t wo weeks and that is disturbing since He MAY BE GOING TO AFGHANISTAN. He swears he is not able to go but I just have a feeling it is going to more of fight for him not to go than the US Army is wanting to put up with. The clincher of the week was Allies orientation for Immaculata this Friday and Saturday. You know that place. 1. two hours away 2. total strangers 3. drop off the first of three most important items in your entire world- and LEAVE her there 4. for an indefinite amount of time. 5. Grown man sitting next to her in the registars office making chatter about the classes they will have TOGETHER!!!!! 6. Security guards that check those who enter the building where she will...

Missi on the left 15. Allie onthe right 17. This is the night they were very very bad girls. The local Parochial HS that Allie just graduated from is closing and consolidating with three other HS's from the county. So Bishop Hoban HS is no more. Missi will return in the fall to Holy Redeemer HS. Make a long story short they thought fun would be to break the law and steal the letters from the sign out front the school. They are lucky they didnt get arrested. But they got away with a B and an H intact and split the scene. Allies buds posing infront of the sign they were about to deface. "Good Catholic School Girls" mhhmphhh The girls down the shore. They dont look alike but they are definately sisters. I am so proud and happy they are getting closer all the time. Pictures from a RAVE party they were at. I know the Rave party's have bad rap but there were no drugs involved ... only alcohol. (bad enough but what can I do about it now.)

Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower. We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind. We remain behind, all of us in my family. My mother, my three brothers and their wives and my 4 nieces and nephews. My children who are daily reminders of how wonderful a life I grew up with. My husband did not, and still does not have a positive male role model. His father left them as children. He remains a negative highly critical man. Last week we brought Andy's dad to the house and there was not one positive comment. too big, too expensive, unnecessary. you cant take care of this. infuriating. I couldnt help bu think of my dad who would be there everyday to watch the progress and chat with the workers and learn something everyday. I am an evil person but why is it that bad people can live forever and my Dad is in a fucking box in my moms bedroom? Why is it that his Dad is almost 70 and has three kids that he doesn...

Missi at her Anime convention this weekend. I dont understand the whole thing but it seems to be harmless Artisitic nerdy kids hanging out together. Im ok with that. Can you see just Missis eye peaking out from under the blankets and pillows here. I thought it was cute. The boy with something on his mind- and something in his mouth!!! We are home from the beah and everyone is home now. Missi went away for the weekend and Allie got home last night so I am surely keeping everyone under roof for a few days. I like being away but surely love being back home. We really did have a nice trip and it was what we needed I think. I will put up a few pics from the week. We have a party today to go to and then hang out in the yard and swim in the pool for the day I think.

Jack watching the lifeguard do pushups. It was so funny Jack then got on the sand and was "doing" pushups also. Images of his future. I love him too tooo much sometimes. My two boys. How can I stand to look at these two and not love every bit of the both. My Missi deep in thought during one of our conversations. I found out alot of my girl and I love her more all the time. Jack and Andy during the fireworks. Jack is soo tired int his pic but hanging for dear life. We are still here at the beach and enjoying the trip. Today they gave tornado warnings for the shore points so we didnt go to the fireworks on the boardwalk for they were cancelled. We do have the opportunity to enjoy individuals fireworks fromour balcony and our window. The boy is not too sure about them though. He looks and then closes his eyes and wraps himself around Daddy. I have a photo below of that. Missi is enjoying herself and we are spending some quality time together. We spent yesterday toge...

This is one thing we needed desperately. We are in Ocean City MD, At the moment I am sitting on the bed and looking out at the beach. Missi and Andy are Go cart racing and Jack is sleeping soundly. We spent the afternoon on the beach and relaxed after a long ride down here. We had a ncie dinner on the patio of the hotel with the band playing really nice. I am feeling so much better than Ihad been. I am living one day at a time and just feeling what today is going to be,. I am am enclosing pics from the day.